This Burden

this burden that has fallen

desperately on my shoulders

clinging to my body

a leech sucking on my soul

begging me for attention

reluctant to let go

damaging the nerves

that hold my body together

maybe that’s why I lack patience?

the leech stole my nerve

surgery came for me when I was just 13

shaving the dead bug from my spine

the sacred strength within me -

silent -

decreased as I lost part of my core

the once stable rod

lining the center of my body

natural, strong -

becoming an eternal point

of subtle suffering

that can expand

in unexpected moments

the residue left behind

from surgical tools

subtly hints we aren’t done yet

the fear invoked within me

breaks dammed barriers

so flooding pools the lips

of eyes losing composure

it hurts inside -

and out

the physical ailment

of sharp stabs

back heavy on any surface

lingering pings that radiate

sending signals back to the eyes

to release more tears

the inevitable will come one day

the decision will need to be made

and for now my silent suffering

is the stronghold that keeps me upright

until I am faced with a yes or a no

to another spinal surgery