12 life tips you forgot you needed (part 1)

the last few weeks have been a roller coaster of ups and downs - what am I saying, that has been my entire life. I guess it’s a good thing I like roller coasters because otherwise, this would be terrible. however I have learned a lot through my short 29 years on this earth that I am so incredibly blessed with. so in today’s episode of my heart on a page, you’ll find unwarranted advice that you simply didn’t know you needed (or maybe needed a little reminder of). I know I certainly did.

this post will be broken up into 3 pieces so keep your eye out for the next 3 blog posts I have for you, and me, and anyone else who needs, wants, or you insist must hear it. and these are in no particular order because I believe they are all equally important depending on the season of life I am in. so take them as they apply to you!

12. build yourself a damn morning routine

            too all my people that love and hate routine at the same time (enter younger version of my conflicted self here) – I get it. you want the life that allows you to be free and open. to live a life of adventure with a certain amount of chaos sprinkled on the side. yet you also want that life that has some level of consistency to keep you grounded. if this isn’t you, that’s great because I’m sure this will still help no matter what your lifestyle is.

            first of all, if you already have a morning routine (insert round of applause) I have multiple questions – how long did it take for you to create one for yourself? do you ever get bored in your routine? do you feel like your day is more successful since you’ve made it consistent? (email me! I really do want to know!)

            for everyone else. I’m not going to tell you what to do, (also because I’m sure you’ve heard some of this before) but I’ll tell you what I have learned from my experience. over the years I have learned a lot about how having a morning routine makes me feel successful at the beginning of the day which creates higher levels of productivity. I have always teetered on some edge of consistency whether it be a shower, smoothie, or exercise. but over time I had to realize that based on my work start time, this isn’t always realistic.

            if I were to get up before work and workout today, I would be up at 3 in the morning! 4, I’m okay with, but I don’t have the wherewithal to go to bed at 7:30 every night.

            last summer I did a workshop that challenged participants to create a solid morning routine. ya’ll, I took this on and then some. I wanted to get up, meditate, do my gratitude’s, journal, do core exercises, foam roll, have lemon ginger tea and then I could do the rest of my day. that is a lot to do in an hour! that also doesn’t include physically getting myself dressed and personal hygiene. I had the intention to tackle a lot and it wasn’t manageable so it didn’t stick and I wound up feeling more discouraged than before.

            I ended up taking a break from my routine which allowed me the chance to figure out what is important to me or necessary for me at the start of my day to make me feel successful rather than overwhelmed.

            the only things I make the intention to do now are make my bed, meditate for ten minutes, and do my morning gratitude journal. some days, I don’t get to them all and that is okay! I’ve accepted my humanness to not be perfect.

my challenge to you, if you haven’t started this, pick one thing to add to your morning! just one. then once you’ve mastered that add a second. get up to three solidified in your morning routine. if you want to add more get yourself a nice rotating schedule of daily habits that no matter which of those you complete or have time for, you have already accomplished so much!

11. you best be grateful or else you be a fool

            several years ago, I put myself through a codependency program because I thought there was a lot wrong with me (thank you toxic relationships). and while I don’t classify myself as codependent rather a human being who sometimes has codependent qualities that I’m working on, I learned a lot.

            this program didn’t require it, but it encouraged doing daily gratitude’s. so, I bought myself a cute journal and made it my gratitude journal. (yes, cliché, I don’t care.) it seriously does help. at least for me and everyone else I know that has stuck to or been able to verbally acknowledge the things in life they are grateful for. and yes, I’m sure you have heard this many times before as well! I am not the first person to say this.

            finding gratitude in even the little things will change not just your day to day but your entire outlook on life.

let’s take a trip down memory lane - when I was thirteen, had they not found the tumor cutting off the circulation in my body, I could have been paralyzed. thankfully, that was not the case for me and I was able to recover fully. still, I had to relearn how to walk, dress myself, go to the bathroom by myself. I had to relearn how to physically function as a capable human being.

            some of the things that go in my journal are simply being grateful for waking up in the morning. being able to walk. being able to dress myself. being alive. I tell people that it is a great day every day that I wake up! currently I am following a journal that takes me through my days priorities, things I’m thankful for, gives me (sometimes rather sassy) quotes, and a win that I had the day before. then there is a check-in for me at the end of the day so I can circle back around.

            you guys! again, if you are not doing this, I seriously encourage you to. the world is going to start looking a whole lot different once you start acknowledging the small things in life that I know you already appreciate.

            so, to you and the twenty-year-old me – be more grateful damn it! it’s a beautiful life no matter the circumstances. you woke up and that makes it another day - another opportunity to change the world!

10. you’re allowed to feel two emotions at the same time

            this one is compliments of my friend Jess. I don’t know about you, but I sometimes feel conflicted when I’m let down by someone but understand their side at the same time…

there have been times in my life where I have struggled with two conflicting emotions. almost as if they are battling each other out. one screaming ‘but they let you down and that hurt!’ the other shouting back ‘but we understand their perspective and the situation.’

in life, not everything is going to go as planned. mistakes are going to happen, and yes, we will be disappointed by people and situations. that is a part of life. I was never taught that it’s okay to be empathetic with someone else but also be able to express my feelings about why I feel the way I do about it. (without placing blame! important people.) so I had to learn.

I’ve been on a few dates in the last couple months with a guy I really like. we had a date planned for the movies and he just so happened to take a nap a beforehand and slept a little longer than planned. I felt so conflicted inside because I could tell he felt bad about it and I understood he didn’t mean for it to happen. it didn’t take the disappointment away from something that I was really excited about though. someone I was excited about for the first time in a long time.

            my internal emotions were in straight collision with each other flying back and forth. and let me tell you, I was confused. I wanted to be upset but didn’t feel like I could be.

            that is until I had a conversation with Jess and she said ‘you can be disappointed and also be sympathetic.’ I can acknowledge what it brings up related to my own issues and insecurities and also sympathize with a mistake. with the stress of knowing I have somewhere to be right now and I’m definitely late. (that may be one of the top 10 worst feelings. the sheer anxiety and panic that sets in the body and knowing that all I can do is wait and be patient.) I totally understood what happened, that it was an accident, and how he felt.

            but I couldn’t disregard my own either. before Jess gave me that piece of advice, I thought I either felt my own feelings and was a b*tch for it or totally understood anyone else and disregarded my own. if you replace the word or with and, it changes everything.

this goes beyond romantic relationships. it applies to friendships and families. it works situationally. it could be the bagel you were excited about but they accidentally burned because they were slammed. it could be the weather on your birthday – planning a party for sun but it rains. not getting the job you wanted simply because it wasn’t the right fit or not getting an invitation to that friend’s party you desperately thought you would be invited to.

all of these invoke hurt in some way shape or form. and to that I say, it’s okay for you to feel two different things at the same time! embrace your own emotions and as long as the situation calls for it, you can understand theirs too.

9. let your friends support you (unless your friends suck, then get new friends)

            this is a big one. okay I have always been blessed with great friends. over the years, I have run in circles with inconsistent friends and friends who I’ve fallen out of friendship with and then back into friendship with. I have had friends who I can totally rely on and others that I can’t. I have had friends that were a temporary part of my life and friends that have stuck by me for decades. in each phase of my life I have had people that I love. my point is have friends! but then there is the support that comes with it.

            it can be so hard to rely on the people closest to you. there might be times when you can totally depend on them and there might be times when there is a fear to tell them anything. if they are good friends, not only will they support you, but they will also be honest with you.

            the other day I had a conversation with Jess (she really is so wise) and she set me back in check on a situation I was mentally struggling with. she was honest with me, but listened to me. she helped me see a different side of things. she brought me back down to earth while my head was busy trying to float away.

            so here we are, realizing that when I can’t be the adult in my own life, I have someone that can be. who isn’t going to just side with me but be brutally honest. we help keep each other accountable in the best way.

            when I was in Maine, I had a few friends here and there. but never enough and never any that stuck (due to some rather unfortunate circumstances). when I moved to San Diego, it became a priority that I needed a circle of people I could rely on. never again would the sole man in my life be the only person in my life.

            if you don’t have that group. if you find yourself struggling sometimes because you’re an introverted person (hi, also me sometimes), there are people out there for you who can be your confidant and who you don’t need to see every day or even every week. if you are super extroverted and struggling to find those people- they also exist. men, I can’t totally help you, but ladies, I have met some of my best friends off of bumble bff’s. so I would encourage you to look there if you don’t know where to start.

            having these people in your life is so incredibly important. we are social beings. we are not meant to live a recluse lifestyle. we need people and guess what, people need you too!

there are so many lessons in life to learn and these only touch the tip of the iceburg! how exciting is it we get to keep on learning? if there are any lessons or pieces of advice you would want others to know, email in to lovealway.me.love@gmail.com

love always,

Riss

new year, new goals

as I sat across from my therapist, she smiled and asked me to reflect back on the goals I had set for the 2022 which consisted of:

·         reaching a level of true happiness in my life

·         setting appropriate boundaries with others

·         cultivating and maintaining personal relationships

·         embracing and accepting my emotional state and well-being

as she read these off to me, I barely recalled having set any of them, but recognizing where I have made vast improvements and where I still needed to dig a little deeper and do a little more work.

while I may not have mentioned it to her, I did feel an instant strike of nervousness about having only accomplished some of these and parts of others.

I recognize the goal of reaching a true level of happiness falls in the way of a lifelong goal. that to attain and achieve this, I must continue to live every day in the greatest state of mind. I am also a rather (and sometimes too much) realistic person and know that it is unreasonable for me to constantly be in this state of mind. I am after all human, and I will continue to struggle maybe not everyday, but as I try and work at it, fewer days than before.

I also found myself struggling to accept that while I have worked hard to achieve a level of emotional intelligence that has me welcoming and accepting my emotional state, I realized when I got tired of the emotional pain sprinkled in, I decided to stop providing comfort to myself. instead, I would disregard my feelings and find more logical ways to explain what was going on in my life. I pushed the thoughts and emotions, deep inside of me, away (in a typical reactive Marissa manner) and continued on with life. while I have started to find my way back to a sound and secure place, reinviting the lost feelings inside me and disregarded vulnerability, I have adjusted my goals for this new year.

this years goals come at a high cost but really only with the intention to continue forward on my journey in life.

1.      fall in love: This year I want to fall in love – with myself, with a partner (who I very much plan to manifest), with my work, with my passions, with life in all aspect. I want to fall in love with every person I come in contact with. falling in love goes beyond the partner, but allowing myself to be my own partner at times too.

2.      to let go of structure: despite my large affinity for sharing my heart with all of the internet and those that find their way to my page, I admittedly get stuck and rather frustrated when plans fall through. part of my lack of emotional range has caused me to build structure to offset the lack of control in my life. seeing areas I struggle to let go and just flow. so this year, I am working to keep structure where necessary, and let go of the rest.

3.      learn to effectively move through my emotions: there are times when I get complacent. I get comfortable doing nothing because it requires no work. this year, I want to continue to press forward, opening up myself to others and letting down the guard that I have carefully built over the years.

4.      be more genuine with other people: I spend so much time with other people that there are days when I feel like I am putting on a front, just to get by. where I will ask questions, but not really care. where I will appear invested but not really be. where I’m trying to just be friendly, but it’s really hard. 2023 is a year that I want to be genuinely present in every moment I am in. From putting my phone away when I am with others, to actually maintaining and being fully engaged in the conversation and information I learn about others.

5.      listen more: I find number 4 and 5 are actually connected. a lot of times, I hear myself talking and just think – ‘shut up’. no one needs to hear this story again. no one needs to know the entire play-by-play of your afternoon. but somehow I find a way to just keep going. needing to relate or let them know I relate by sharing my own stories. working this year, on listening more. on asking more questions and not caring if I get to share about me.

6.      take the pressure off myself: if there is one thing I know I am good at, it is loading on the pressure. sometimes it is so heavy, it’s unbearable. there are days when I am so hard on myself I forget to give myself kindness and compassion. two things that I easily give to others, but struggle to serve myself. this year I am taking the pressure off. if I don’t hit the deadline, if I don’t do everything I wrote down, if I don’t make every event. I take the pressure off. because this is the year of being light as a feather.

I was able to create these goals rather quickly because I knew what I needed without having to really think about it (more so, I know what I’m currently lacking.

I am excited for this year. I am excited to see what more it brings into my life. on this path toward something bigger than myself, I’m just excited to embrace life in every single moment. but you should know, I’m also terrified.

I don’t live blindly… okay, maybe sometimes. but for the most part, I struggle with fear in my life, overcoming and persevering through it. I sometimes get so afraid to make the wrong choice, that I make no choice. I find myself locked in a cycle of yes, no, yes, no. and it is daunting!

so while this year will bring in more, because I am more self-aware than last year, I know it will also bring me more challenges to face, more opportunities to grow, and more love than I could have ever imagined.

I hope this New Year brings in your heart’s desires too.

Love Always,

Marissa