Possibilities

Sometimes I start writing. I sit and stare and try to put myself in the mindset of a person or gender that isn’t me or mine. Not to say that I can’t. I have observed and interacted with a variety of male species that are undoubtedly lived research to where I could build a story with one included as a central narrator. Yet, I find myself stumbling over my words. Uncertain and afraid I will get it wrong.

And while I try to stumble forward from this unfamiliar point of view, I find myself in a state of confusion. Jumping from one story to the next. Character to character. Until I can’t remember which story I am telling. Whom I am telling it to. What I want to say. And who is saying it.

Except, I know that it’s not the problem with the story, but rather the multitude of stories trying to escape and my inability to keep up.

It becomes like a Netflix wheel: Too many options, so I simply don’t finish any.

Maybe that is the reason I have spent years longing to write a book but stalled myself, stopping at short stories. Pieces that could go far beyond where they currently are but sit stagnant because my brain cannot find the ability to extend it further. Knowing it could be great, but leaving it as it is – good enough

I have trialed and failed many times.

Now I have two building in my head. One that will be shared at a later date. One that will be written over long periods of time as I construct and outline a home filled with lessons and the foundation for my life. The other will be rooted in the fictional space of love. The love of friendship. Ripping heartbreaks and happily ever after’s. A story I hope will inspire and continue to transpire. Touching the hearts of those that are able to build a connection with the characters, just love to read, love love, or need somewhere to keep their heart for a moment.

Love is my atmosphere. It is my world. It is everything I live and long for. I believe it is what keeps us going. What keeps us humble. Keeps us safe. Because at the end of the day, we are loved by someone and that is a beautiful thing.

My biggest goal in life is to share more love. I wish that I had the gall to do more sometimes. I have grandiose ideas that I would let color the pavement if the introverted side of me could take those steps.

I will, and it will probably be one of the hardest things I do, but I know the payoff will be greater because I finally gave myself a chance to make my dreams a reality.

Maybe you know the feeling. Maybe what’s love for me is painting or running or playing an instrument or moving up the corporate ladder or starting your own business or the other multitude of things it could be… for you.

I have always lived in a dream world, what I have not done is turned dreams into reality. Maybe for fear that I wouldn’t be able to turn back to the fantasy that once lived in my head and will have to accept the hard realities that come with making a dream a possibility: diluting and dissipating the dream.

But here is where life lies. Where living is.

In those moments of strife and angst, we have hope and accomplishment.

I hope you find your dream. I hope you find the courage to go where you are destined to go. To embrace the faults and trivialities of the dreams you have and make even those beautiful.

So pick up that paintbrush. Go run for five minutes. Buy that keyboard. Have that conversation with your boss. Grab a book to start that business. Go take one step forward.

For me, it starts with words on a page. Every single day. From there…I just take it one step at a time.

I can’t promise each step will get easier, but I can tell you the story you will have to tell because you did will be greater than the seat you sat in staring at the possibilities in front of you.

You are amazing.

You are everything.

Love Always,

Riss

overwhelm

have you ever put yourself in the position of extreme amounts of overwhelm? overbooking with work, work functions, social functions, school, some or all of the above?

well hello, I can relate. as a matter of fact, look at the image I picked for this post, somewhere under all those flames I am trying to put that fire out.

see I run this cycle. its like the load of whites that I just can’t seem to get white enough so I add more bleach and I run the cycle again and again until the clothes are destroyed, because bleach does that too.

this pattern falls heavily in my life. I seem to run in this circle where I will overwork myself to the point of exhaustion. where my life starts to become this big cloud of anxiety because I have so much on my plate. where I can’t simply focus on one thing, but always have to be ten steps ahead, or else I will get behind.

then the day comes where finally I explode. I can’t take it anymore so I stop everything. I blow up at the people I love. I become quiet and reserved. I become difficult to work with. I resist anything that is different from my own thoughts and opinions and I firmly believe it has to do with my upbringing and how I have set my mentality.

to be totally honest, I actually haven’t been in this bad of a place in a long time. I set my boundaries to no work on weekends. then I changed that to accommodate one of the places I work to help out with a class. then I fell in love with programming and getting creative for that class so I took it on fully. then I changed my job around and decided I could work at least one day on weekends for a few hours now limiting my life, availability, and how I want to live.

and that’s only half of it. I extended my working hours for the potential to bring in more income. but what do we say? we don’t wait for potential. in order to get it, we have to just go for it. unfortunately, if you are not inclined to sell to people or pull them into your circle because you have a quota to hit, it doesn’t really work.

but I can also pull in the stress and say that adds to it, sending my mind into a shut down that makes it impossible to accomplish anything.

but then we have the social circle. and while I love being social with my friends, I can feel work dragging the life out of me making it difficult for me to want to attend events outside of my bed.

are you tired yet just reading this?

most of this is a vent. but it is my heart and my truth and it is part of my mission to share that with you so that you can see the real me all the time. maybe you can relate in some way. but I wanted to share today, my overwhelm that happens when I re-prioritize based on the needs of others and what happens when I put my own on a shelf to be dusted off at a later date.

life should be fun and exciting. when we do too much, that excitement disappears. when we work too hard, the exhaustion sets in and replaces life with a numbness that embodies every part of us just so that we can get through another day.

I could sit here and list off to you what I don’t want. it would be rather easy. but don’ts are negative and that only brings those things in. so here it is instead:

I want a life that is full of excitement every single day

I want a career that I will wake up and be excited about sitting down to do

I want energy that radiates from me allowing everyone to see the light that I hold

I want to give other people energy simply by loving the life I live

I want time to myself and time for my friends and time for my family

I want happiness beyond belief

I want to spark change

I want to genuinely connect with others and build long lasting relationships because I value the human race

and beyond all – I want more love in my life and to make others feel a little less alone every single day

I can want these things but the real question - how do I get to them? my hunch, start by letting go of the overwhelm and letting these be my guide instead. and then just do and see what happens from there.

so I ask you today, put aside the don’ts, the cant’s, the wonts and tell me:

what do you want? (seriously email me because I would love to know!)

love Always,

Riss

a beautiful day to be alive

when was the last time you stopped and just took a long slow breath. not to calm down. not to ease anxiety. not to find your patience. but simply to just breathe.

four times a day, my phone reminds me to take deep breaths. it’s this reminder that pulls me back into whatever moment I am in. sometimes I’m driving and my mind has wandered to faraway lands. sometimes I’m reading lost in someone else’s story. sometimes I’m working but thinking about the guy or my friends or family or the millions of other things I want or need to get done.

but without fail - every single time I am reminded to breathe, I come back into me.

there is simplicity in breath. there is truth. there is peace. and so often we take it for granted.

I tell my body combat class on Monday nights, every day we wake up is a good day. each moment is a blessing. each breath is ours.

and think about that for a moment, we give so much to other people: our thoughts, opinions, words, time, space, homes, love, etc. but your breath- that is yours. you get to keep that and it belongs to you.

without breath, we would not stand. we would not wake up. we would not be able to live the full amazing lives we are blessed with. breath is the greatest gift we as humans, have been given.

so I challenge you this weekend and every day for the next week to come back to your breath. write yourself sticky notes, put reminders in your phone, ask your friends to send reminders. and allow yourself those tiny moments to simply be with you.

you are a gift. you are amazing. you are you and that is enough.

  Love Always,

Riss