have you ever put yourself in the position of extreme amounts of overwhelm? overbooking with work, work functions, social functions, school, some or all of the above?
well hello, I can relate. as a matter of fact, look at the image I picked for this post, somewhere under all those flames I am trying to put that fire out.
see I run this cycle. its like the load of whites that I just can’t seem to get white enough so I add more bleach and I run the cycle again and again until the clothes are destroyed, because bleach does that too.
this pattern falls heavily in my life. I seem to run in this circle where I will overwork myself to the point of exhaustion. where my life starts to become this big cloud of anxiety because I have so much on my plate. where I can’t simply focus on one thing, but always have to be ten steps ahead, or else I will get behind.
then the day comes where finally I explode. I can’t take it anymore so I stop everything. I blow up at the people I love. I become quiet and reserved. I become difficult to work with. I resist anything that is different from my own thoughts and opinions and I firmly believe it has to do with my upbringing and how I have set my mentality.
to be totally honest, I actually haven’t been in this bad of a place in a long time. I set my boundaries to no work on weekends. then I changed that to accommodate one of the places I work to help out with a class. then I fell in love with programming and getting creative for that class so I took it on fully. then I changed my job around and decided I could work at least one day on weekends for a few hours now limiting my life, availability, and how I want to live.
and that’s only half of it. I extended my working hours for the potential to bring in more income. but what do we say? we don’t wait for potential. in order to get it, we have to just go for it. unfortunately, if you are not inclined to sell to people or pull them into your circle because you have a quota to hit, it doesn’t really work.
but I can also pull in the stress and say that adds to it, sending my mind into a shut down that makes it impossible to accomplish anything.
but then we have the social circle. and while I love being social with my friends, I can feel work dragging the life out of me making it difficult for me to want to attend events outside of my bed.
are you tired yet just reading this?
most of this is a vent. but it is my heart and my truth and it is part of my mission to share that with you so that you can see the real me all the time. maybe you can relate in some way. but I wanted to share today, my overwhelm that happens when I re-prioritize based on the needs of others and what happens when I put my own on a shelf to be dusted off at a later date.
life should be fun and exciting. when we do too much, that excitement disappears. when we work too hard, the exhaustion sets in and replaces life with a numbness that embodies every part of us just so that we can get through another day.
I could sit here and list off to you what I don’t want. it would be rather easy. but don’ts are negative and that only brings those things in. so here it is instead:
I want a life that is full of excitement every single day
I want a career that I will wake up and be excited about sitting down to do
I want energy that radiates from me allowing everyone to see the light that I hold
I want to give other people energy simply by loving the life I live
I want time to myself and time for my friends and time for my family
I want happiness beyond belief
I want to spark change
I want to genuinely connect with others and build long lasting relationships because I value the human race
and beyond all – I want more love in my life and to make others feel a little less alone every single day
I can want these things but the real question - how do I get to them? my hunch, start by letting go of the overwhelm and letting these be my guide instead. and then just do and see what happens from there.
so I ask you today, put aside the don’ts, the cant’s, the wonts and tell me:
what do you want? (seriously email me because I would love to know!)
