12 life tips you forgot you needed (Part 4)

weeks later and we finally made it to part 4. the final pieces of life advice you forgot you needed, maybe never wanted, but found helpful anyway. I can’t wait for you to read the last 4 bits!

4. go forth and fail!

failure may be the most essential thing we have in our lives. without failure, we cease to be able to learn from experience and make strides.

all through school we are taught that an F on a paper or test is detrimental and can determine our ability to succeed in a class. for some people, this means getting held back. for others, it means their desire to strive forward halts and they accept that they are just a D student. and still, for other people, it motivates them to do better, however, I find that those people are few and far between.

we were not taught how to deal with failure. how to accept failure and how to view failure as a valuable asset in our lives.

Sarah Blakely, the founder of Spanx, talks about how her dad would ask her what she failed at every day when growing up. The only disappointment was if she hadn’t failed at anything. he instilled in them and taught them that failure is necessary. that so much can be learned from failing. he turned a negative word into positive action.

so I know this one isn’t easy. it’s rather difficult to even start to accept failure as a positive thing, but take a moment to see how that word makes you feel. does your heart rate increase? do you start to sweat? do you start to feel a little anxiety volcano bubbling at the pit of your stomach?

if any of these are the case, figure out why you feel the way you do about failure and then slowly, start to make the shift. with every failing moment, feel your feelings, and then immediately ask yourself how you can do better next time.

3. it’s not because you don’t want to, you might just not care enough about it

have you ever signed up for a class, started talking to a love interest, or started a new show everyone is raving about but feel your will and desire to keep it going is exhausting?

have you ever thought that maybe you just aren’t that into it? (or them?) and that’s okay?

a year and a half ago, I signed up for an online yoga instructor training so I could be yoga certified. I was excited to get a new certification, create new opportunities, and monetary income. as I made my way through the course, I was fascinated by all the teachings. it was fun to learn the poses. it was fun to do some live classes. it was fun learning new meditation techniques and how to cue. but when it got to the assignments that were due, I had ZERO drive or willpower to do them.

at first, I tried to commit myself to one a week. that felt reasonable. an hour a day should easily have had it done. but then that felt too hard. so, I thought okay, maybe one every two weeks. as this pushed on, I started to feel worse and worse. I started to feel like I was wasting the money I had spent on the program and like I couldn’t follow through with anything. (yes, I got dramatic)

it wasn’t until I had a conversation with my therapist and she said to me:

“Marissa, have you thought that maybe you just don’t want this? It’s okay to not finish everything. sometimes we try things and realize that we aren’t as into them as we thought. that’s okay.”

I looked at her and reminded her that I paid for the course. instantly I realized this was why I felt like I needed to finish it. I paid for it, so I have to finish it. I was able to recognize that as much as I love yoga, I love the practice of it for me rather than teaching it to other people.

this gentle reminder is still so helpful. what’s something that you’ve been trying to complete that your heart just hasn’t been into? take a moment to figure out why.

I want you to know, you don’t have to finish that and it’s okay that maybe, you just don’t care as much as you want to. there will be other things, but the fact that you tried is more than enough.

2. what if everything happens for you?

another rejection letter. another letdown. another heartache. another disappointment weaves its way into your life and you feel like nothing is ever going your way. or if it does, it’s only for a moment before it is ripped from you and you feel like you’re back in the bottom of a hole that feels impossible to get out of.

but what if that rejection letter was an opportunity? what if that letdown was a chance at something new? what if that heartache opened up possibilities? what if all these disappointments were altering your life for the better?

if we change the narrative to what is happening in our lives, it changes our life. we choose the way the story is told. yes, it is a choice. if you want it to be a woe-is-me victim story, then you can have it. but if you choose to see that that thing or person or opportunity wasn’t meant to be in your life. it will change everything.

I applied for a job not long ago as an assistant store manager for Vuori (a wonderful fitness apparel brand I love!). I went through two interviews and was not selected for the job.

at first, I was upset. this was a job I really wanted. the company is amazing, the people were awesome, and the atmosphere was somewhere I could see myself. when I got rejected, I was a little heartbroken.

my initial thought was ‘fuck, this day sucks.’

then, I accepted what was happening and chose to embrace it. in doing so I allowed myself to wallow through the night. tomorrow would be for making strides. I knew that there was a reason I didn’t get that job. it was going to have me taking on too much responsibility, taking away from the work I am aspiring toward.

then I heard this little voice in my head say Everything is Happening FOR You!

it was a moment of clarity that reminded me this wasn’t it. to take a moment and evaluate what was important. to understand the best way I could why this didn’t work out. but I had to start by accepting that this no was an absolute gift.

so next time something in your life doesn’t quite go as planned, unwanted circumstances come up, or an issue arises that catches you by surprise – remind yourself that maybe this is happening for you. maybe there is a lesson you need to learn. maybe there is a deep wound you need to heal. maybe there is something better for you out there.

but only if you change the narrative first.

1. be unapologetically yourself

there is a certain level of expectation to be a civilized person. to act a certain way in public and keep the rest to your home.

what do I say?

BE YOURSELF!

embrace you for who you are.

if you don’t like something about yourself, change it.

and don’t you dare ever apologize for being you. (please apologize if you cause emotional or physical pain to another person!) but we don’t spend enough time embracing our gifts and just being the person we want to be.

this is not an easy process and if you haven’t started it, it takes time. but do one thing every single day that brings you closer to who you are.

I no longer apologize when I run into people at the store. I say pardon me instead and I smile. I no longer hide my smile. I smile more. I no longer say yes to everything that comes my way. instead, I offer a thank you and then move on. I don’t get embarrassed when I dance like a buffoon during my group fitness classes, because that is who I am. I will sing out loud sometimes when I work out because it feels good. I will compliment someone if they look good or are wearing something I like.

these are all small things I love about myself and I have learned to embrace and share through the years.

I believe there is a fear, that if we show people exactly who we want to be, the projected judgment from those closest to us stops us in our tracks. it’s easier to be that person with strangers first. but if the people closest to you care about you, they will support your changes and embrace the better version of you, the you you want to be.

you are a kickass rockstar. you are amazing. and I love who you are right now in this moment!

go forth and just be unapologetically you, because that person is pretty fucking awesome.

I hope some of these life tip reminders resonated with you in some way! you are a glorious gift and have so much to offer.

email me and tell me what you think, what resonated for you, or if you have advice you would like to offer to lovealway.me.love@gmail.com I can’t wait to hear your takeaways and any advice you have for people too.

love always,

            Riss